Being products of nature ourselves, sometimes we lose sight of the greatest technological innovator ever - no, not GOD - but nature. After all, the more natural a device or program feels, the more heralded it is, because the lines become blurred between “man-made” and “natural.” So, let’s pay a quick homage to mother nature by looking at some of her craziest inventions. Because if we don’t, it’s us against them and i don’t like our odds.
African Driver Ant
These swarming little bastards can wreak havoc when food supplies are low, creating columns of 50,000,000 strong, and marching through anything in their path. Generally they’re avoidable, but heaven forbid your house lay in the path of the ants - for they have been known to suffocate and subsequently devour those who are too slow or weak or small to get out of the way! so, if you live in africa, don’t put your baby on the floor! The ants will not just start biting pieces of your flesh open, but they’ll cover you seeking tender pieces - you know, like the nose and mouth. Once they’ve found it, the signal is called and you’ve got 50,000,000 ants eating you from the inside out. It still takes about 4 hours to skeletonize a human so at least you can get some sick timelapse footage of the carnage. You know, provided you set up your tripod in advance.
Komodo Dragon
@Adponce mentioned the Komodo dragon during lunch while discussing the Shedd Aquarium’s Free Admission week, and it made me think - Hey, I’d never seen a Komodo. But man would i love to! they’re like relics from the past - giant, fierce lizards who just want to kill and eat and bask in the sun. Not only are they really really big (largest specimen documented was 370 lb and 11 ft long), but they’re also venomous. Like something that big needs venom! Fortunately they’re only found in the southeast asian pacific, but as one would expect, they’re a very well respected animal there, provoking live sacrifice (via wikipedia):
On June 4, 2007 a Komodo dragon attacked an eight-year-old boy on Komodo Island. The boy later died of massive bleeding from his wounds. It was the first recorded fatal attack in 33 years. Natives blamed the attack on environmentalists outside the island prohibiting goat sacrifices. This denied the Komodo dragons their expected food source, causing them to wander into human civilization in search of food. A belief held by many natives of Komodo Island is that Komodo dragons are actually the reincarnation of fellow kinspeople and should thus be treated with reverence.
The Candiru Catfish
This one is a bit speculative but the speculation alone is enough to make you never want to step foot in a body of water ever again. Honestly, it’s straight out of a horror movie: not only does the Candiru sense blood in the water, like any good water predator, but also can sense urine and is attracted to it as following the “urine trail” will invariably lead to a food source.
So what does that mean? If you’re swimming, and think no one will be able to tell when you take a whiz through your speedo to create the coveted “warm spot,” the Candiru will prove you disgustingly wrong. The fish is small enough to swim up one’s urethra, which means if you’re unlucky enough to tempt such a bugger with your sweet golden nectar, he can follow the scent straight to the source: up your weiner and into your bladder. At the risk of getting too graphic, there’s a quite disturbing description of this affair here. Not for the faint of heart.
Sand Cat
Now, not all about nature is evil, vile, and awful. I would hate to give you that impression. For example, the wonderful little sand cat! what a cutie. What does he do? Well, he hunts bugs and rodents in the desert. That’s it. They are solitary but have been known to share their borrows with other sand cats. So they are good at sharing and are nice. And cute! And the best part? They run really close to the ground, just like my cat turtle when a sudden noise is made. I may have found her ancestory line.
